tell me which way goes home

rather dawdle in the mud
than face clear light of day
how grateful am i
that You are everywhere
and in my heart You stay

undaunted

and unperturbed
admonitions
do not serve
when from the higher quarter called
answer with complete resolve
yes
i Your servant be
joy through out eternity
yes

get out

of your old conception
life moves with out your inhibition
shackled to the floor
by old motives still in store
get a new rappor
with the all attractive
we adore
Sri Krishna
gives you wings
it is of this that
i do sing

tell me something i don't know

afterwards  i will glow
with recognition
of what is our actual position

today's dream

Syam and i were in a grand olde hotel with much woodwork
maybe the kids were there too it was a group of people
an oriental boy with a measuring stick was coming through and i followed him
in another room is a group of people and oh a rock collection / i want to see this
 a rock display
look at this rock it seems magnetic i say
no one else is picking up on this
tiny particles were being attracted to its surface
then this flat rock that was laying on top of a larger rock withdrew into
the interior of the larger rock-its like a tongue!
i am wisked away outside the hotel down the country road where there
is a gathering of people
Rsangi greets me i am in a car she looks great but says
some problem inside the house there
 ,although they are all devotees gathered there
two girls are clinging togather arm cut off maybe i don't know
i see Devashish he's lost weight
we go outside
he and his wife who is caucasion
he's happy the weight is leaving him
i assess the road and fly into the sky
higher than the earth but not as high as aerial traffic
and head to thehotel to find Syam
i enter the front of the hotel
look in a room
out comes a python
it immediately shrinks
i turn the corner
now comes a tiger but it is a kitten
now it turns to a domestic kitty


and i have been aware that i have had darshan of the tongue
of Goverdhan



afterthought ; the inside of the cottage where people lamented
yesterday GuruMaharaj mentioned sudra means too much handling of mortal substance makes one lament
next- python is north and tiger is west
yesterday afternoon at the temple
i mentioned that on Goverdhan hill we saw the place Dandavat something
maybe i need to find more aout Goverdhan hill

further down the road

it seems
we're gettin' further down the road
grateful are the flowers that are strewn from the sky-
whose parade is it anyways?
if you want to get further down the road
it is imperitive to know this answer
and you will have protection that lasts
to get further down the road than last

at last...

doesn't last that long
it is replaced by something  like,...  'progress'
which is replaced by  forgetfulness
which is is replaced by ... aha!
which got distracted
help me remember
what and Who is the most significant

to all things kind

where there is mercy
there is a touch
of the grace of the Lord
Who's ways always
move in love

talk about distracted mind, meet mine

its some kind of clean out maybe
sometimes you need to look
 whats collecting in this laptop
how much time do i take with
nonessentials?
so what is important?
find it pronto

the secret word is 'focus'

in everything you do
may cognition
see you through

destroy disadvantage

find the secret
in every scene
that transforms
each situation-
bring to light
the hidden angle
see with your
higher intention

Truth come visit me a while

optimism bless me

with perception divine
everything is perfect
inYour line

holy days and holidays

and holy minutes too
niches in time
 that let you peek through
kindness is a door
that opens inside
revealing the banquette
of love divine

the Lord is self illuminating and all illuminating like the sun

praying for Truth to manifest within

Your divine gestures and council flow with eternal strength

fascination

lead me not astray
is not Yogamaya
last to have Her say?

up early up wild

check inside and stay awhile
focus your mind till paper can burn
forest fires of feeble spurns
just get it straightthe world upturns

someone very powerful prayed for me one time- it lasts forever

lavender works

in letters and dreams
when you get burned
as soft as moon beams

tell me a tale

that starts like a story
but more like a veil
stirring beneath
the cover so deep
truth lingers on
long after you sleep

return to truth

and not its surrounding decorum
where is the center  of all that is?
let me make no further offences
allow me to knock at Your door
You have brought everything
for this supreme sacrifice
help me bring my heart
attentive mind
and dedicated determination
to come to Your lotus feet

run , don't walk for shelter

its an indication-
don't loiter,
when it's rough
you need to take action
with expedience
ask for the Holy name to descend
no one can survive without Divine protection
opportunity is like a mob, beating itself down
 to get to your door
it may look like a gangster
but it is simply impetus
helping you remember the
Lord

remembrance

connect to your divine aspirations
allow your work to open like a flower
...flourish.

the goal is ecstatic

Truth manifests Herself

smoke and mirrors only last
until the sun comes out
golden light descend upon my head
gratitude come to my heart
and all things will mend

over many continents flying

many oceans to cross
galaxies are lying
traversed
as You sing
Your verse
Spiritual master to the exalted
be kind to me this day
in prayer i bow to you
let me truth relay
Narada Muni
beloved of the Lord
let yet another story unfold

the bright side of waking up

OPTIMISM

When i saw these broken pieces at Radha Madanmohan i wanted to cart them home in my luggage.Thank God for pictures.

support

from the highest down to the low
coming like water
a natural flow

BHAGAVATAM ;THE RIPE FRUIT OF THE TREE OF VEDAVYASA

open wide your heart

let the sun light in
a powerful friend
from above will descend

om means now

let your dreams not be blocked further
they all fall under the sign of the Emperess
She exalts everything
everything  in her Name
for Her

just woke up

this morning i was with a group of young but mature people playing basketball in a court. i remember one person- spanish ? saying he did phycic muscle adjustment that basically shimmered  through his body when he was out of alignment, he had learned this from his father , who was a fireman (?) i flew around the top of the gym   feeling on top of my game but something in the air that was giving a little tug.
 i find myself going to some meetings with  another group of young people to a spiritual gathering, some introduction. Now i am sitting ina reclining lawn chair waiting for the  office to open. it is the math. supposedly i am dressed in devwotional clothing., but when i look at myself my hair is scattered and  i have street clothes on. when mahananda comes out he refers to me as Ramona. i am on surveilance, stripped of my name, yes, its slightly annoying, but i still waif, i guess i want in  enough. i will have to be reinitiated.Whats the deal, showing off a little(as usual) ny flying skills.Up comes Narayani waiting also outside the office , she wants to recieve initiation, and wants to go all out  getting a thousand dollar sari. i say o,k,, then pause to hear myself,,,, what do i want with a thousand dollar sari,,,,, then i wonder what its gonna be l;ike working for Accharya  M

yesterday's dream

 after so many years, i had one of those Nancy dreams.This time she lived in a huge house, older style and many devotees were staying over in the various rooms, almost bed and breakfast style....something about my beads lost as we talked, how they were strung by Sudevika, where are they- in the room where Shyam is resting.

everyday finding the way

fly me in your rays of morning light
navigate this immortal flight
passing over the oceans of mortality
towards eternal existance wisdom
blissfully
Your nature, our delight:
bequeath the spiritual will
that we may fight
to remember You
as we traverse
this fantasmagoria
where we took birth
invest this time  and make it work

dream (actually aug. 28th)

Syam and myself were trying to go to Syamakunda's door but she was on the alter and it was locked.We road on the flat bed of a truck, then Syam took a horse, when we got near the fence of the pasture it bucked him.We walked on glass above the jungle through the the air.In an aratik when the lady devotees did the puja  they had magic wands releasing the beauty to the devotees.Shyamakund was doing the aratik.

objectivity leave me

don't you see I'm fast asleep
memory is lulling
in songs from the hidden deep
carry me away from this foggy shore
share with me the message
and reveal the secret lore
tell me how shall i ever find
favor in the court of the Divine
please don't mislead me
i know I'm insincere
knowledge can remove
this ignorance and drear
awaken me from my condition
with the truth this life does bring
and to this path i shall ever cling

today's dream

i am in Bali's rocking chair with a baby we are using the rocker like a vehicle and i begin a somewhat daangerous journey holding the baby as we go opposite in traffiic through the streets . We are not far from the water and i am looking  for something familiar.We are at Chris's parents house and Allison is taking care of the  place putting things in order the way i used to. in fact i see some of my techniques and cleaning cloths, hidden under in out of the way places. We continue further and we are in someone elses place. The woman picks up a cotton grain bag in the shade of pink, like the color in love coulture,which is being used for  pillow cases and says , these are from 1970's.I am slightly bored why she needed to share that information, thinking 1970 was'nt that long ago.We proceed in the rocker down  the road .

when i am almost awake i think Balaram and Sudar were born in the mid to late 70's.When i was pregnant with Balaram i  had a vision of rain pouring out of the sky on the grains. Much later i heard that the jivatma comes in the rain into the grains and into the semina of the male.

hope

in a bottle
when uncorked
dissolves in the ethers
where it invokes

the proper push toward divinity-
smell the air
as its it sets  you free
taste the pleasure of  fortune's child
pursue the secrets
the Lord unseals
as your heart  begins to reveal
its purpose in this long journey
to worship the Beautiful Reality

come closer
and i whisper sweet
the way is clear
now wet your feet
the universe offers you a treat

deliver me from evil

or shall we say optimism is the goal
many thoughts come
but only allow one to take hold
remembrance of the lord
will save you every day
for here is but an illusion
and it will not stay

speaking frenchly

risque in  its careless drunken footstep
blunder is not how you affect me
more like Your mystery intercept me
not lost for You have blessed me

not banned from holy association

quite the contraire
living and breathing this nectarine air
goodness and kindness
the natural abode
the heart of a vaishnava
a treasure unfold
the secret chambers of the Lord's own heart
are opening like lotus
its fragrance disclose
let me serve Your servants sweet
and find a place at Your Holy feet

today's dream

i was flying high in the air
so i wanted to descend, but instead catapulted higher.So i came to a decision- below i could see a hill
it was quite a drop but doable' .From there i went down to anofher distant shot and each successive steep coming down gave me a new excitement of downward leaps that i could leap in huge bounds downwards to the ground with enthusiasm.

Call My Name I Will Answer

Just learn to listen
how grateful you must be
for a response from Eternity
what have we been given?
what kind of opportunity?
Love flows like an ocean
from the land of Infinity

meet me in the middle

my dream is running towards me
its coming closer i must say
let me honor its contents
and make it a welcome stay

persevere

find ways to make your goals manifest like hydration
count the amount of water you drink in the day

a new dream wants to come

and i must ask for ways to invite this next occurance

life is so random

but there is still a script.
its coming out as my hands
keep typing.
like a preview?
chant, thats even more rewarding-
learn to twist with Reality

always something new for you

this is the surprise

untangle the steps

to get to You
when the path is not clear
whisper which way i go
as You remove the fear

roughly speaking in my guestimation

how much time will it take to come to a clear conception
how much sincerity will brim forth
and make a real determination
life appears so happenstance, but in truth its not
but the thing from which greatness is spawned
demands profound attention

help my every tiny step which seems so insignificant
lead me closer to the way
that You choose ever blessed

a little help a little time

come to truth
and you will shine
softer than the warmest breeze
so much mercy with so much ease
when we align our spirit

gradually awaken

it comes in little steps
from deep asleep to sharp as tacks
settle in this morning
with a little help
from higher places
that long for what we lack
then we place an order
suddenly we're back

it's a delicate situation

the situation i'm in
for all considerations
someday i will begin
to comprehend Your kindness
although incomprehensibly sweet
and leave the wine of madness
walking away on sober feet
Your Heart it is an ocean
that flows with amazing grace
all of our infinite imperfections
simply it can erase
 and when i learn to please You Grace
 for You are all that is
perhaps You will accept
this fool
to come a litttle closer in

speak kindly

long lasting
and always humane
release the bondage
of a society insane

a return to spring

wafts of lilacs fill the room
my new companion to date
take me where
your dreams come from
it is never too late

pull yourself out of the mud

once again begin anew
let all the things that you must do
remind you
what is Reality
let all your actions culminate in Me

here begins the morning

this night slips out the door
the birds have known for hours
to loudly praise
and humans must do more
the privilege of a spiritual master
gives this responsibility
chant the holy name unceasingly

the dragging away of the night

don't ripinto rip into my sunlight
shredd this cloudy veil
worship one who calls to thee
one Who never fails

calendar beyond days

and then there came a month of no ordinairy existance
that descends into this earthly plane
its wings extend to the highest region
and bring the soul its fondest dream
come within my inspiration
and let me sing Your praise

soft mystery speak thy words of wisdom

enter my heart and mind
capture all my senses
as toward You now we glide

surprize,
the nature of the soul
with newness as thy crown
gentle comes the rain
to purify the sound

Prapannam Jivanamrtam to the rescue

there is no too low point
omly closer and closer help
this is the mercy driven broadcast
the truth given serum
the Lord's own vintage

bunker writer

disappointed in everyone else not writing
i looked into the mirror
who is the one that is really causing the grief?
yep, you bet , the one who isn't knuckling down.
today , i am turning that river, its bunker writer time.

definition of a bunker writer is one who can dig their way out writing
collecting data is good
but to release demons and bring peace on earth
writing what runs through the head is the cure, as it splashes on the page

Oct. 18th 1981 B.R.Sridhar

Srila Sridhar Maharaja quotes Sata Samstutta

.....even dream praises so-called reality-
"You are more unreal than myself.I am notorious for false representation-
I AM DREAM......but you are far more qualified than I am.

row, row, row your boat.......

The material world is the spirit soul's dream. Actually, the material world is a dream of Maha Vishnu as stated in Brahma Samhita.

Srimad Bhagavatam Canto 4 Chpt.29 Text 29( or 80 or 46 ?)

"Everything happening within time, which consists of past, present and future, is merely a dream. That is the secret understanding in all Vedic literature."

the knowledge of immortality

amongst Your rare gifts You bring
and its flavor sweet
and its aura peace
slipping from the rim of time
You always go ahead
no longer a vision
but transparent Reality
a Guide beyond time
following Your Master
who challenged us all
as He spoke
Die to Live

to breath at last to sing

announce this to the king
beyond your sovereignty there exists
a world of unalloyed eternal bliss
come as a beggar , nay a slave
and serve in splendor that arrays
the richest fragrant nights into dazzling days
ah yes, the soul gasps ,as the Lord's ways do amaze

the white days

that move like twinkling snowflakes in the sky
they leave now and travel far up high
listen, here them sing like in a trance
forever free at last
they follow a current like a breeze
imbued with the fragrance designed to please
the heart as it springs open more and more
as they meet the ones they do adore

tantalize my senses

or subdue my mind
may i only crave to satisfy the sublime
every desire that desires to be fed
let them come to serve You instead
every little wicked thought
seeks to be lawfully engaged
looking for its Leader
that takes us out of this maze
satisfaction guaranteed
is a label for the bold
for it is but a lie
that loves to be told
take that little endeavor
 who wants to be willfully employed
serve Sri Radha and Krishna
and progress can be enjoyed
this is a thought
on an ekadasi night
service to the Lord
brings spiritual might

postponing

postponing truth
i sit and wait
what good can come
if i am late?
let truth have Her way
come into my heart
stay with me
and never depart
whatever you say
whatever you do
connect everything to You
first thing first thought
first cognition
of the day
surround it with
everything You have to say

only

had i known
and i would not be the me
that i am
now work Your magic
happy to be at Your  command

telepathy ,yes.

natural and safe
original language
we choose to embrace
clear the runways , these passages with in
by filling them with purity and prayers begin
the choice we make will move us far
light years of grace
is the divine power

prosper within

there is safety in poverty
it is straightforward and clear
nothing is mine nothing to fear
a little money now and
i am concerned
who got more, how much did he earn?
were i to awaken from my comatose
and know Who is the Owner
from whence do all things come?
i'de always be happy like heaven above

always cared for and always loved
this is the Lord's way
no push and no shove
the life of the swan
is the grace from above

the olden moon this eve

this is the final phase of the moon
tomorrow begins anew
life is but a narrow path
help me see it through

On top of my game......

another day , another location
    This one seems to work well for me......I'm movin' up.
Today is the first day for my study to reopen since winter.
The weather is definitely changing- this is the proof.
This room has a loftier look at the world around me from
 this floor and this angle.

wonders are Your decorations

kindness Your silver bells
delivering joy through every cloudburst
and unlimited possibilities through every ray of sun
deep is the well of Your guidance
let us drink Your words of love

sending out a message

When will my senses come under the control of sincere spiritual strength?
Lord Nityananda please send Your grace to this faltering restless mind
the power to follow, the determination to see it through:
to follow the instructions of Sri Guru

new location

seeking fresh ways to do things....or is it freshness asserts itself upon you?


.......... Freshness is a person, a Divine Person.

everything

let everything remind me of Your grace
so i can begin to comprehend Reality
that awaits in perfect harmony and beauty
Your grace .....
is everything

undivided attention

that is the nature of success
revolve everything you do
everthing you say
everything you think
bring it back to the center
as an offering
to the divine Lord
of the soul

spell it out

what do you want out of me?

Srimad Bhagavatam Canto 4 Ch.11 text 31

(Svayambhuva Manu speaking to Dhruva Maharaja who is waging war on the Yaksasa race for the death of his brother by one of their kind):

My dear king, just consider what i have said to you, which will act as medical treatment upon disease. Control your anger, for anger is the foremost enemy on the path of spiritual realization.I wish all good fortune for you. Please folllow my instructions.

purport
Dhruva Maharaj understood his grandfather and immediately stopped fighting. The words "srutena bhuyasa"- by constantly hearing- are very important in this verse.By constantly hearing about devotional service we can check the force of anger, which is detrimental to devotional service.Srila Pariksit Maharaj said that constant hearing of the pastimes of the Lord is the panacea for all material diseases.Everyone should hear about the Lord constantly.By hearing one can always stay in equilibrium, and thus his spiritual life will not be hampered.
Srutena Bhuyasa

choices we make

of such significance
turned over to You
and let Your wisdom in
Sleep, the wise councelor
weighs and aligns
awakens to
disclose the benign
in a world of hidden motivation
i thank you for your revelation
truth disclose
i bow my head
stay with me
be my friend

lift the veil

....in your own time
for Your mercy never ends
the time of death
cannot impede You
for on You
time must depend

take this moment

to remember
why you are here
it satisfies the deepest side
and removes the drear

sometimes you lose

let it come in surrender
let me lose myself
in Your holiness
let unfathomable
beauty of Your mercy
unjar itself
lost in the perfection
of Your divine glance

dead wrong

all gone
send that waiter
to the store again
i need to refresh my mind
i need to be inclined
to look deeper
into the subject matter
allow the thoughts to surround
a higher sound
leave the trash
albeit rash.....
but move on

to reveal my mind to myself

is a precious gift
that like an arrow moves
returning direction
to my inner aspirations
and clarifying the road
to my destination
to reflect
is to discover the soul
and the soul's purpose and desire

my comfort is that peace

i remembere when i was small
the pastor would call
on peace,
"the peace that surpasses all understanding"-
"the Lord be gracious unto you
and let His face shine upon you
and give you peace"
.......a rather personal conception of the Lord
well some of those prayers
had a surprizing potency.......
peace that surpasses the rational world
and the personal face of God,
not anthropomorphically speaking
but you know, gorgeous and blue and eternally young.......
that Face.

Congradulations

in accord
with the bounty
of the Lord
everlasting
blissful too
knowledge
rests inside of you
servant be to the Divine
all this inner truth
will shine
bow low the head
and give it up
for grace flows over
in your cup

Leap!

The time is now
Leap! and make time fade
only discussions about the Lord
make the cutain of time
a facade
beautiful mystical
splendid Truth
is revealed
such is Your mercy
You cannot conceal
Jump!Such amritsar
ignites the sky
the time has come
we fly

What Drives You?

Hope -creates momentum
Wings -inspiration
Purpose -the clarity to act
Devotion -the knowledge of pure motivation
Sanction -inner connection

dream revealer's mission

opening the subconcious
and spilling the contents
on the table
purifying every direction
and uplifting the soul
from countless lives
to purposeful existance
in devotion
to the infinite all knowing
merciful Lord of the soul
awaken from the dream

comfort the low and mean

bring light to the fallen
yes, you are coming for me
your promise is always true

say now

tell me when dreams come true
and no longer are dreams

carry me your way

make my disposition worthy
that my mind without worry
will fly to You
let me hear the mystic stories
that chase the shadows of ignorance away
of Your transcendental pastimes
without delay
crush the world of decay
as You illuminate this day
we bow to You
who makes everything we do
....grand